If you picked this up, would you read it?
August 31st, 2009 | by admin |If this was the first couple of paragraphs in a book, would you put it down or keep reading? This is still the first draft, so there might be some grammar mistakes.
March 20, 2010
We arrived at our camp today. For some reason, I was expecting it to be… more, better somehow. But no, the place where we will be spending the rest of our lives is little more than a hastily thrown together and then abandoned camp. I am watching the animals now, and I have started a record of our first days here at camp Woodring.
Three weeks ago, my school was locked down. There was a massive outbreak of some disease- Mr. Jameson, the teacher who was sent here with us, won’t say which one or why it can’t be cured- and our school took us in to protect us from it. From what I’ve gathered from what I’ve overheard and what the teachers have told us is that they were planning this for quite some time- years, in fact. All of our regular classes were cancelled and replaced with new ones. I’ll make a list here:
Woodshop- Construction: Now in a non-industrialized environment
Gym- Hunting: How to stalk, trap, track and kill a variety of animals
History- Government structures: How to create a binding constitution.
English- Farming: The four seasons condensed
Math- Tools: When there isn’t a Home Depot nearby, use your head
Art- Crafts: The productive kind
Home Economics- Cooking & Childcare: Specially designed for all your wilderness needs
Music- Animal Husbandry: Everything you’ve always wanted to know about breeding and raising animals
Science- First Aid: Makeshift bandages and wild herbs
We only took these wonderful classes for two weeks before being split up into dozens of groups and sent off in different directions. My group- christened “Woodring” by the school board- was sent to the middle of a forest. Some of my friends were sent to other places. Belle’s group was sent to the beach, Anna was sent to the middle of the plains, and Riley was sent to a sandbar that had formed in the middle of the ocean somehow.
Jeffrey B., what would you suggest that I do to create empathy with the characters and interest in the plotline?
No, it didn’t keep my attention. You can do without the listing and description of the courses because the slow the pace. I literally skimmed over that part. Cut it out completely, unless it plays an intricate part of the story then you’d have to write it in a more interesting way.
Start where the action begins. You should develop your characters over the course of the book, not within the first few paragraphs. Show through their actions and dialogue what kind of people they are. You gain interest in the plot line by showing conflict within the first few pages of your story. It seems like something is happening, but then you get into all the boring class stuff. Everything after your list I’d cut out. You hint at something good in the beginning, but don’t follow up on it.
______________
Return the favor and review my work, please?
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AgsTaYtN_ZNuqBZgvJx5omGf5HNG;_ylv=3?qid=20090829001054AAPqfRc
7 Responses to “If you picked this up, would you read it?”
By Jinx on Sep 1, 2009 | Reply
I would keep reading.
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By Emmaa. on Sep 1, 2009 | Reply
I would put it down. Its a good start but the list of classes is a boring.
Spice it up abit.
Im really blunt today – sorry,
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By Jeffrey B on Sep 1, 2009 | Reply
The answer is no. The writer assumes we are interested enough in the rapidly developing plot without sufficiently having advanced our interest in the characters.
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By zensational09 on Sep 1, 2009 | Reply
As an author myself, I’m intrigued. I’d read it. If you are doing a manuscript, edit, edit, edit. And above all if you submit it to be read, there must be no mistakes at all either grammatical, punctuation, or misspelling on the first page.
Make sure that it is neatly typed and double-spaced on a good quality heavy, bond paper.
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The book that I did several years ago. Quite a trial. If this is something that you want, you have to own it and do it. And there will be people who won’t like it, but do not give up. If you do, they win.
By Riddle φ on Sep 1, 2009 | Reply
I usually don’t read the first paragraphs of a book(I read the back…reading the book before I buy feels like I’m spoiling it for myself.), but after reading this, I’m going to start. I would definitely read this.
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By Nippy_noodles on Sep 1, 2009 | Reply
I think it’s pretty intersting… The ppl tlking about character development are retarded. It’s only the first couple paragraphs. There might be a couple problems, but hey, everyone has their style of writing, and if they just delve into the characters it would be a bit dull. I think with writing, you should gradually introduce everythng, while still capturing the reader’s mind. You shouldn’t have just blurted everything out like that though lol But i’m definitely interested in reading more. If you post it on a website wen its done lemme kno by email kk
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By Sing to me on Sep 1, 2009 | Reply
No, it didn’t keep my attention. You can do without the listing and description of the courses because the slow the pace. I literally skimmed over that part. Cut it out completely, unless it plays an intricate part of the story then you’d have to write it in a more interesting way.
Start where the action begins. You should develop your characters over the course of the book, not within the first few paragraphs. Show through their actions and dialogue what kind of people they are. You gain interest in the plot line by showing conflict within the first few pages of your story. It seems like something is happening, but then you get into all the boring class stuff. Everything after your list I’d cut out. You hint at something good in the beginning, but don’t follow up on it.
______________
Return the favor and review my work, please?
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AgsTaYtN_ZNuqBZgvJx5omGf5HNG;_ylv=3?qid=20090829001054AAPqfRc
References :