Comments on: does this sound interesting AT ALL to you?

By: Secret Passion

Secret Passion — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 16:11:59 +0000

its ok
you need to show not tell
explain that the furniture was cramped not the room was small
give the image of the beach dont tell me that the walls are painted blue
its a good start but you need to work on it
i think you have promise
xxxx
References :

By: Jaime P

Jaime P — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 15:32:59 +0000

No, it is badly written.
References :

By: Lizard

Lizard — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 15:00:59 +0000

Dude no offense, but that's dull. You need to spice it up a bit. Put things in it that will make the reader want to read more, not fall asleep by the first sentence.
References :

By: <3Max<3

<3Max<3 — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 14:29:59 +0000

I think that is a really good start! i really like how average teen this is! i really wanna know wut happens from the IM so can u post more? and also i dont like the name of the main character, i think something more chic would be better, like Jackie, or Alexa, I also think the names Bridget and Ava are fun and new. hope this helppsss
References :

By: ♥KrazyChristian♥

♥KrazyChristian♥ — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 14:14:59 +0000

Keep it going and I’m gonna add you as a friend so i can keep up with it… Thx
References :
♥ Me bein Me ♥

By: Allegra

Allegra — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 13:32:59 +0000

It's a bit confusing, and goes on and on. Try to shorten it up a bit.
References :

By: Kris.

Kris. — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 12:45:59 +0000

I like it. It would be nice to know what the conflict of the story is, but beings this is only chapter one, I don’t expect it.
You’re a great writer, and really creative. Keep it up.

EDIT:
Oh, and you can post it on Quizilla. Add me on it! I’ll read your story!
http://www.quizilla.com/user/xipanickedatthediscox
References :

By: Penelope Hayes

Penelope Hayes — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 12:27:59 +0000

uber fabulous

im sorry, but that tells me that a 5 year old is telling the story.

try again xD
References :

By: crazy_courtney357

crazy_courtney357 — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 11:56:59 +0000

Hmmm yea it’s ok. I don’t like Kira that much haha…but hey she’s a poor neglected child not her fault I guess.

Join http://fannation.shades-of-moonlight.com/archive/index.php

It’s a site for writers. =)
References :

By: CaLL mE HoT bUt iiM 2 HoT 4 U!

CaLL mE HoT bUt iiM 2 HoT 4 U! — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 11:06:59 +0000

OMG your an amazing writer!!!!!!!!!
I love your book!
I would diff buy it to read more email me at Lmissbossy@yahoo.com when your finshed I will diff love to read moree

Good job from a writer herself… ME! haha have a nice day and follow your dreams !
References :